Yes, once we internally accept whatever's happening in a given moment we no longer need our external situation to change in order to feel OK, content or at peace. 

But we don't usually arrive into that space of acceptance without first going through some layers of resistance and grief. 

No matter which season you’re in, you can trust that no matter how much your mind may believe to the contrary, something new will always emerge in the space where something “old” has faded away. 

When we reassure our mind that this pain will pass, it can relax a bit. 

Shame sends such strong unpleasant internal signals through our body that we’ll send the “inappropriate” or “unacceptable” parts of us underground in order to ensure we stay as belong-able and lovable as possible. Which is why “It’s OK” is a shame antidote. 

if you’re in a chrysalis phase of your life right now and parts of you are stirring with agitation, trying to bust out of that seemingly – and to the ego often maddeningly – dormant phase as quickly as possible, I wanted to offer this reminder: Just because you can’t see the change yet doesn’t mean it’s not happening. 

It can feel easier in some ways to outsource our decisions to external sources. Because then if things don't go the way we hope they'll go, it a) may feel less disappointing than if we'd taken full ownership of the choice going in and b) we can blame something outside rather than inside ourselves. But when you look more closely, is it actually easier to outsource the choices you make in this life?

Feelings are just energy moving, and they provide us with such rich data about our needs, desires, values and tender spots. And when you allow enough space for them to go through their full cycle without trying to tamp them down or shame yourself out of your right to feel them, your self-trust and resilience will grow. 

Where we place our attention matters. What we focus our attention on from moment to moment impacts which hormones get triggered to course through our bodies, which impacts how we feel. And how we feel hugely impacts the actions we choose to — and have energy to — take or not take in our lives.

And that’s the thing. Our mindfulness practice helps us become better able to be with not just challenging emotions like shame and anger but also to hold space for the tenderness and the bittersweetness of life. The Both/And-ness of the full, rich, complex human experience. 

The more we get in the habit of slowing down, pausing, dropping out of our heads and into the felt sense of life as it pulses through our bodies from moment to moment, the more we effortlessly start to connect to a greater sense of ease and flow in our days. 

The only problem with that is that the more our ego tries to help us find more opportunities to be good problem-solvers, the more problems we’re going to see everywhere that our minds tell us need (our) fixing.

All parts of all us humans make sense on some level once we access a complete enough view of their origin story and the context within which they've manifested in the present moment.

If you could do things differently toward a better outcome for yourself in those tricky moments when your counterproductive habits typically pop up in seemingly unstoppable ways, you would. So you’re not actually self-sabotaging. You’re self-protecting. 

Our brains habituate so quickly to whatever we regularly do (and think and feel) that if we don’t periodically check in with our current intentions and capacity, given our present moment circumstances and priorities, our brain will just assume that the way we’re doing it is the way to keep doing it.  

Before we can make outer shifts, we have to first get in the habit of just noticing how “hot” it is in the pot we’ve been habitually jumping into and start to get curious about why we’re still jumping into these same hot pots

Through mindfulness coaching explorations grounded in kind, curious, nonjudgmental awareness of what’s happening in the present moment, we start to remember the Truth (capital T): That there’s nothing broken or deficient about you in your core essence. 

Trying to control our way into turning something that's ephemeral – like everything actually is – into something permanent that we can hold onto forever inevitably backfires.

It’s an illusion/delusion that fixating on something that happened in the past or worrying about something that might possibly happen in the future can actually change the present. The present moment simply is as it is. The more quickly and fully we can surrender into reality as it is in this moment, the less suffering we have to endure.

It's the notion that the universe is challenging you to get really real: “Are you SURE you actually want this??” But the way I view it is that, actually, the universe isn’t testing you. It’s preparing you. You're being strengthened to be ready to meet this expanded, new, likely terrifying to your comfort-and-safety-loving-ego-driven-self (small s) next phase.

It’s such a paradox at the heart of being human, isn’t it? How a part of us wants nothing more than to be wholly seen in our fullest expression, but another part of us wants to hide our truest self away for fear of being seen in that vulnerable fullness.