The Permanence Fallacy (It actually won’t be like this forever)

I’ve been dealing with a strained pec(toralis) muscle under my clavicle for the past ten weeks. And while it seems like a minor issue on paper – limiting arm extension, pausing yoga practice and upper body workouts, causing minor discomfort throughout the day – it's been leading to quite a bit of suffering. 

Not intense front-burner suffering, but a low-level, all-day-back-of-mind-nagging variety. 

And as I’ve been reflecting on what it is about how my mind is relating to this reality that’s been causing this suffering (since that’s what causes suffering — not pain, but how our mind is interpreting and creating stories about the pain) it’s partly the normal mental resistance to something I don’t want to be happening. 

But it’s stemming more from my mind making the fear-based assumption that it will be like this forever. 

Have you noticed this permanence fallacy sometimes causing suffering in your own life? 

Something painful happens and then the mind pours salt in the wound by freaking out and contracting around that pain, exacerbating rather than abating it. 

Of course this makes sense given our brains' wiring. The mind fixates on pain in hopes that hypervigilance will alleviate the pain = help keep us safe = keep us alive. 

You’ve likely noticed, though, that the impact of this myopic focus tends to be the opposite of the mind’s intent. 

The more the mind hyper-focuses on pain, the longer and more intensely it sticks around.

So a mantra I’ve been applying to breathe a little space around the constriction I’ve been experiencing is nothing fancy — simply: 

“It won’t be like this forever.” 

I find these words to be a simple but potent catalyst for dialing permanent-feeling suffering back down toward impermanent pain.

Dr. Jud Brewer (psychiatrist, neuroscientist and leader in the field of habit change largely through applying the core elements of mindfulness and curiosity) cites this formula for anxiety:

Anxiety = Fear + Uncertainty

So when we reassure our mind that this pain will pass (another mantra that would work well would be “This too shall pass”) it can relax a bit.  

And when the mind is more relaxed, our body feels more relaxed.

And when our mind and body feel more relaxed, contraction softens.

And when contraction softens, physical pain tends to lessen, and emotional pain too. 

Now we’re moving back toward a strained muscle being just that: A normal part of the body having a normal human body experience.

Within that space, we’re much closer to a baseline of the issue at hand in the present moment causing a bit of a pain, but not having a ton of extra suffering layered on top of it. 

What do you notice when you propose the possibility to your mind that whatever struggle you’re experiencing right now won’t last forever? 

Maybe you notice even a slight bit of softening with the suggestion. But every degree less suffering we can inflict on ourselves — and one another — counts.

Lots of Love,

Melissa

PS - If you’re curious about exploring these themes in a sweetly personalized way, be in touch about 1:1 coaching possibilities.