What If There’s Actually No Problem?
I’ve had a handful of lovely coaching clients recently circling around the theme of problem-solving.
They’re aware of and heartily own – often with a sense of (understandable) pride – their “good problem-solver” identities.
But, on the flip side of that coin, they've been starting to tease out some new awareness around how their minds have also become expert at looking for problems.
This is another of the many paradoxes of life: The more our minds become trained to be “good problem-solvers” they’re simultaneously getting trained to become good problem-seekers.
This makes sense, right?
If our ego gets a self-solidifying = safety-enhancing (on the surface level) boost from being told we’re good problem-solvers and thinking of ourselves positively in that light, then our minds will of course look for more opportunities to solve problems so we can keep feeling like we’re good and in control.
This fine-tuned ability to home in on problems was likely also a savvy and important protective strategy we cultivated unconsciously when we were younger and less resourced:
“If I can anticipate problem spots out there, I can feel more in control in here.”
The only (ahem) problem with that is that the more our ego tries to help us find more opportunities to be good problem-solvers, the more problems we’re going to see everywhere that our minds tell us need fixing.
We can all get a real, and of course very normal, ego boost from feeling uniquely good at something and being needed in a particular way.
But if you've noticed that your mind is really good at finding problems to solve and that you sometimes find yourself exhausted by feeling like you’re constantly seeing problems everywhere that you feel almost compulsively compelled to fix, there could be a shift in perspective available to open up a bit of inner freedom for you.
That perspective shift would be:
What if there actually are no problems?
What happens if we stop viewing sticky spots that come up along our path as problems that need solving and start viewing them simply as sticky spots to be navigated thoughtfully through?
In other words:
To what extent do you actually need the word “problem”?
To what extent is focusing on the word “problem” serving you and aligning you more deeply with your values and how you want to feel and show up in your life?
What part of your identity might you have to become willing to loosen your grip on in order to lessen the problems you perceive in your world?
What part of you is resistant to the notion that maybe even using the word problem isn’t actually that useful in your life?
How might it be possible that you could become even more effective and of service in your life if your mind were to soften its neural pathways on this problem-hunting front?
Where might you choose to place some of the energy that used to have to go to all that problem-fixing once that energy becomes freed up?
Who or how might you become in your life if your mind no longer had to seek out and fixate on problems all day every day?
Of course life is filled with ups and downs, with challenges and opportunities. I’m not proposing that you pretend that you don’t experience moments of challenge, pain, and suffering. No bypassing necessary.
I’m simply planting the seed:
Could it possibly be possible that your mind’s conditioned propensity to perceive problems everywhere may not be quite as necessary or as useful as your mind has been assuming it is?
Life presents us with lots of challenging moments. But you’re resourced and resilient enough to navigate your way through them. No problem.
Lots of Love,
Melissa
* If you’re curious about exploring themes like this together in a sweet, personalized coaching cocoon, take a look here and I’d love to chat with you about possibilities.