You’re Allowed to Feel That

My daughter started kindergarten this week and found out her teacher assignment a few days beforehand. After having previously met the two warm and inviting female kindergarten teachers, she’d been fervently hoping for months with fingers crossed that she would get to be in one of their classes. 

When she heard the news that she would not only be assigned to the one male teacher’s class but that none of her neighborhood buddies were in her class either, her disappointment poured out in waves of tears. I could literally feel the sadness coursing through her little body as she sobbed in my arms. 

And sometimes in the midst of a big, intense wave of emotion crashing through like this, our mind will immediately clamp down in contraction and fear and assume the worst case scenario ahead. 

In this case that might have sounded like, “Oh no, this is gonna be a terrible year. She’s going to hate kindergarten. Why did the year have to start on this sour note?” …and dowwwwn the rabbit hole we go. 

But in reality (not in the imagined possible reality the scared, protective mind will conjure up in moments of uncertainty), after I quietly held her and held space for those big feelings to rise up and wash through her for maybe twenty minutes or so, their intensity waned and her body calmed.

And as we opened up a welcoming space for her to express any fears, anger or sadness over the next few days and processed those sticky spots together, the intense emotions further loosened their grip. Until by two days later, on the morning school started, she was chipper — still a bit nervous but excited and ready, and walked in line with her class into school with no trouble. 

I offer this story up as a friendly reminder that even when big emotions arise and their intensity can feel scary at first, they *will* run their course.

And they’ll run their course much more effectively and efficiently, and with much less suffering, when we don’t jump in and interrupt their natural flow — rising to a crest of intensity and then dissipating and reintegrating back toward homeostasis — through our mind trying to bypass or shortcut the feelings with quick-fix-it solutions or superimposing a black-and-white narrative about what it all means on top of the feelings. 

Feelings are just energy moving, and they provide us with such rich data about our needs, desires, values and tender spots. 

And when you allow enough space for them to go through their full cycle without trying to tamp them down or shame yourself out of your right to feel them, your self-trust and resilience will grow. 

You’ll get to start to see — and to feel in your bones the power of — your capacity to handle more than you’d given yourself credit for being able to handle in this life. 

So here’s to you seeing about allowing yourself even just a sliver more space to fully feel whatever you feel this week. Whatever it is, you’re allowed to feel it.

And if you'd like a bit of practical support on how to start to dip a toe more into the feelings exploration pool, this post might help. 

Lots of Love,

Melissa

And if you’d like some intimately personalized support in exploring this terrain together, I’d love to chat about 1:1 coaching possibilities.