Are You An Empath? 11 Tips To Nourish Your Energy
When I was young I felt like a brat a lot.
I would do the group family and friend things I was "supposed to do," but got irritable and exhausted when I didn't get enough alone time.
Then I'd feel like a bad person and beat myself up, wondering Why can't I just have a good time like a normal person??
Without enough quiet time, the wheels would come off. I'd tell myself to suck it up, to be a good sport and stop whining. But I ended up feeling not only agitated, but isolated and defective too.
I even decided early on that relationships weren't for me because I needed too much space (which meant there was something wrong with me, which meant I must not be lovable, so why bother trying anyway?).
I didn't know then what I know now: That I'm an empath.
Someone who easily takes on the energy around them.
A coaching client recently came to me feeling both grateful and upset by the realization that she's an empath (which a lot of my clients are — deep, thoughtful, soulful beings).
She was grateful to finally understand why she gets so exhausted in certain situations, but was also experiencing grief that the realization was so long coming and overwhelm about how to manage it.
Energy sensitivity can feel like a real mixed bag.
We have access to amazing intuitive information, but we also get drained easily.
And there's not much information out there to help us manage our sponginess, leaving a lot of us feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.
So when I came across Judith Orloff's book Positive Energy in my 20s, it literally changed my life. I felt like someone understood the full me for the first time ever.
If you have a hunch you have empathic tendencies, Dr. Orloff offers these questions to help you assess:
Have I been labeled as overly sensitive?
If a friend is distraught or in physical pain, do I start feeling it too?
Am I drained in crowds, going out of my way to avoid them?
Do I get anxious in packed elevators, airplanes, or subways?
Am I hypersensitive to noise, scents, or excessive talking?
When I see a gruesome newscast, does my energy plummet?
Do I get burned out by groups, require lots of time alone to revive?
If you answered yes to a handful of these questions, it's likely that the people and circumstances around you affect your energy more than they affect the average person’s.
On the one hand, knowing this can feel like a huge relief.
You now know you weren't imagining being drained by that shopping mall trip and understand why you feel sick to your stomach after witnessing an ugly road rage incident.
Some of us are particularly susceptible to absorbing energy that's not our own.
And when we don't understand that this is happening or think we're the only ones it's happening to, we drain ourselves further by creating a whole self-judgy story around how wrong it makes us.
But there's a trap I want to encourage you to be mindful to not fall into here:
Taking this empathic trait on as a fixed identity and believing you're a victim to it.
I see this a lot with coaching clients talking about "energy vampires," a popular term to describe people who leave you feeling drained.
You know the type: The mile-a-minute water cooler chatter who steps closer to you every time you step away. The Negative Nancy who's always trying to drag you into her drama. The family member who spends all Thanksgiving dinner complaining about how the world's out to get him. The constant complainer. The Debbie Downer.
If you have empathic tendencies, these types of people will likely leave you feeling sapped...
Unless you learn to stay grounded in your own energy.
If we were to keep letting you believe that someone else can drain your energy, though, that would mean you have zero control.
So I'm not a fan of the term energy vampire because that just isn't true.
Here's what I mean:
Do you have more or less energy when you've gotten a subpar night's sleep?
When you're worrying all day about something that's beyond your control?
When you've skipped a meal because you're rushing to do do do more "productive" things?
When you focus on all you have to do rather than on what you can actually get done?
You are your own energy manager.
You get to decide how much sleep you aim for each night.
You get to prioritize your to-do list and put what's most important at the top.
You choose what foods you put in your mouth, understanding how they make you feel.
You're in control of the words you speak and the thoughts you indulge.
You can't change Negative Nancy into a Positive Paula, but you can dictate how much time you spend with her. You can't convince your cousin he's not a victim, but you can remind yourself you're not.
Negative energy can be strong. But your positive, centered energy is even stronger.
The strongest energy wins.
So if someone radiates a strong downward energy, you're going to have to get extra solid and conscious to counter it.
But you can do that.
It's useful to note here that complementary energies attract one another. So if you feel like you're a magnet for "energy vampires," it's likely because they're (unconsciously) sensing that you're willing (also unconsciously) to receive them.
They over-take and you over-give. The puzzle piece has found a fit.
So as you more strongly ground your own energy, you'll notice those energy-suckers come around less and less.
It will be like they're knocking on your door but you don't invite them in anymore. Eventually they'll tire of the rejection and stop coming to your doorstep at all.
And when you're resonating at a high, centered, loving energetic frequency, you won't even need to "protect" yourself from energy-sappers anymore.
Your being will be strong enough to maintain your energy.
I know handling negative energy can feel overwhelming. But it doesn't have to be.
Here are 11 tips to help you stand your ground.
Make quiet alone time a daily non-negotiable.
Meditation, yoga, journaling, a walk outside, reading an inspirational article, a bath, morning coffee on your porch. Commit to doing something that feels good to you in silence every day.
Grow roots.
Imagine roots growing from the soles of your feet down into the center of the Earth. Feel yourself connecting to the support of the Earth right in this moment. (I used to think this was way too woo-woo, but it really works!)
Move your body.
Get that life force flowing. Serotonin is an energy booster.
Go outside.
Nature is a natural recharger.
Zip it.
Mindless talking takes a lot of energy. Speak kind words that add value.
Enjoy yourself.
Joy vibrates at a high frequency. Write a list of things you love doing and do them often.
Breathe.
What well-being list isn't this on? Follow your breath as it moves in and out anywhere, anytime, to get centered.
Pace yourself.
Notice how your daily pace affects your energy. Slowing down your walking and talking pace can ground your energy.
Unplug.
That smartphone has an energetic charge. Shut it down periodically, and sleep in a separate room from it.
Choose your company wisely.
Spend as much time as possible with people who energize you and as little as possible with those who drain you.
Get grateful.
Gratitude connects you to right here, right now; and that's the only place energy is available.
A strongly grounded energetic center is like kryptonite to "energy vampires".
Don't give your energy away. Tap into your core strength. Get grounded.
You're much stronger than you realize.
Lots of Love,