I'm So Happy For You...I Think (5 Tips to Celebrate Others’ Wins)
I recently opened my inbox to an email from a good friend sharing that her boyfriend had proposed to her on their Mexican vacation and that she'd said yes.
I felt my heart swell and the most genuine "I'm so happy for her" rise up.
I kept spontaneously smiling for the next 24 hours. I knew she'd really been wanting this and just felt excited for her.
You know moments like this, when you're genuinely excited for the good fortune of someone you care about. It feels great, right?
But I'm guessing you're also familiar with the opposite reaction — the dirty little secret we never admit because it seems so awful — when a friend shares something they're excited about and, despite how badly you want to feel it, you have to force the "I'm so happy for you" from your lips.
I faked a lot of smiles at the news of girlfriend after girlfriend getting engaged over the years. I wanted to feel happy for them but for a long time, feeling perpetually stuck in my single rut, I just didn't.
And adding insult to injury, I would beat myself up wondering, "Why can't I just be happy for them??"
But we don't have trouble feeling happy about someone else's happiness because we're terrible people.
We have trouble feeling it when we want something like what they have for ourselves...
And we secretly fear we may never be able to have it.
It's easy to celebrate something you feel secure about.
If you love where you live and a friend tells you she just bought an adorable bungalow, you'll have no trouble toasting her.
But if she just quit her 9-5 job and is killing it in her new online business as you see Instagram pictures of her "working" from the beach during the water torture that is your day at your desk, that "I'm so happy for you!" might not have such a genuine exclamation point at the end of it.
When we're struggling to feel happy for someone it's a clue that:
a) We want something like what they have.
b) We're worried there's not enough to go around for us.
c) We have trouble believing that we deserve that kind of happiness.
When I couldn't muster up excitement for engaged girlfriends, I was worried there was something so wrong with me that that could never happen for me. So friends' engagements were a match sparking my deepest fear of unlovability.
I'm in a wonderful relationship now, but I actually started being able to feel genuinely happy for friends entering partnerships before I met my partner.
In fact, the shift toward an abundance mindset is what I believe allowed me to welcome this loving man into my life.
When I was begrudging another girl's relationship good fortune, I was digging my single grave.
But when I dropped the worry that her getting a great guy meant one less great guy out there for me, I was finally able to attract someone who's a great fit for me.
We think we're responding to life's circumstances. But the opposite is actually true.
Life's circumstances are mirroring our inner experience.
You don't have to change your external circumstances in order to shift your inner experience, though. Shift how you view something, and it will morph right before your eyes.
If you want to start experiencing more joy at others' happiness, it starts "in here." Here are a few tips to help.
Shift from a fear-based (lack) perspective to an abundance perspective.
Flip "There's not enough to go around (especially not for me)" to "There's more than enough to go around, and we all equally deserve good things."
Notice the good.
Everywhere, in everyone and everything, including yourself.
Celebrate how you add value.
Every night, write down the top three ways you added value to life in ways big or small today. (If you have resistance around this one, it will probably be an especially powerful practice for you; stick with it.)
Start a Loving-kindness practice.
Place your hands over your heart and extend the phrases "May I be safe, may I be healthy, may I be happy, may I be free from suffering," to yourself; then to someone you care about; then to someone you feel neutral about; eventually toward someone you find challenging; and finally to all beings.
I made this Loving-kindness meditation to help get you started.
Pause to celebrate anything that feels like an accomplishment during your day.
Gratitude increases whatever you're grateful for. The more you notice the good, the more you'll be able to celebrate it in whatever form it shows up.
Sure, you can fake happiness for people. But if you fake it for them, it means you're faking it for you too.
And I'm guessing that you and your heart-centered, authenticity-driven Self are sick of pretending to be happier than you really are in your life.
I'm guessing you want to really feel grateful for all the blessings in this life, whether they're "yours" or someone else's.
And the reality is, there's no difference.Abundance is abundance. It doesn't discriminate. Any one person's good fortune is all our good fortune.
So celebrating your own happiness or someone else's has the same result: More gratitude, more love, more joy being spread.
There's more than enough goodness to go around in the universe. Trust that, and start enjoying it wherever it shows up.
Lots of Love,