Is That My Gut or Fear Talking? How to Tell the Difference
When the landlord opened the door to the apartment I used to live in, my first thought was, “Wow, this is tiny.”
My second thought was, “This is where I'm meant to live.” I just knew in my gut that the space was for me.
Sometimes intuition feels nice and clear like that.
But when fear is involved, our intuition gets fuzzy.
The line between fear and intuition can start to feel blurry.
Are certain thoughts that have been strongly tugging at your attention coming up with such force and consistency because you’re meant to be paying more attention to them — like an intuitive flare going off?
Or is your mind fixating on those thoughts because you’re about to break out of your comfort zone in some expansive new way and your ego’s henchman, fear, is pulling out all the stops to try to keep you in the status quo zone right where you are — trying to maintain a sense of control, certainty, and safety?
If the line between intuition and fear is feeling blurry to you, I invite you to check out the following in your own inner experience to see what resonates as True (with a capital T) for you:
Intuition doesn't feel scary.
An intuitive hit might seem strange or illogical when you bring your mind online to analyze it after the fact, but in the moment, intuition doesn’t strike terror in your bones and send adrenaline coursing through your veins like safety-fixated (and ego-driven) fear does.
Intuition feels like the opposite of fear in the body.
Intuition tends to feel:
Clear. Calm. Quiet. Kind. Expansive. Patient. Even-keeled. Visceral. Effortless. Settled. Wise. Just right.
Fear tends to feel:
Contracted. Loud. Urgent. Desperate. Narrowed. Bullying.
And often leads us to feeling:
Anxious. Panicked. Worried. Doubtful. Ill-at-ease. Like we’re stuck on a hamster wheel in our head. Like something is just off.
Intuition is like the mom who just keeps lovingly rocking her crying baby. She's steady and centered. Her presence wordlessly says, "It's all gonna be OK, honey."
Fear is like a two-year-old calling after her mom, clutching at her skirt as she leaves her with the babysitter, even though it’s the same trusted babysitter she’s had a hundred times. Everything in her resists, screaming, “Noooooo!!”
While that response from a scared two-year-old makes all the sense in the world, who would you trust more to help you make a wise adult decision — the panicked two-year-old within you or the steady, centered mother within you?
But neurotic fear — the mental, ego-driven fear, not the fear that makes a bunny run when a hawk swoops toward her in a field — can be a sneaky beast.
It can mask as intuition; because fear and intuition could both lead you to the same decision.
Like if you’re trying to decide whether to leave your job, fear and intuition could both lead you to either staying or going.
But fear might forcefully convince you to stay through self-critical admonishments:
“Who do you think you are? You can’t make it out there as an entrepreneur on your own” or mask itself as logic by downplaying and rationalizing around your suffering:
“Well, my current gig isn’t that bad…at least it pays pretty well…who am I to complain…?”
This type of neurotic-worry-doubt-anxiety-cycle fear (not the “Get out of the crosswalk before that bus hits you!!” physiologically wise, appropriate, useful fear) you’ll likely notice registering in your head.
An intuitive hit tends to be accompanied by a sense of peaceful knowing in the body.
Intuition arises as a felt sense in the body, not as a thought in the mind.
This could sound like: “Huh, that’s kinda weird. I’d never really thought about becoming a yoga teacher, but I just clearly saw a flash of myself at the front of a studio full of students and it felt totally natural.”
The logical mind will come online and try to parse out meaning about that felt sense after the intuitive “hit”. But initially, intuition gives us just a clear sense of something being indescribably right or not right for us as felt through the body.
Fear has no qualms about dog-piling on to pick apart an intuitive hit after the fact, though. It may dole out an old familiar Inner Critic-y “You’re not (good, smart, pretty, creative) enough to do x, y, z, so don’t even bother” or a “logical” argument like, “Where would you find the money for rent if you just up and quit your job??”
Take note of the harshness of fear’s tone and any contraction you may feel in your body when you experience those self-doubting thoughts. When you notice these breath-stopping clues, it’s highly likely that fear has entered the scene.
This is your cue to step in and tune into the nuanced sensations going on in your body to help you discern whether this is a useful/wise form of fear arising, pointing you toward some useful action you can take;
or whether this fear is coming from your mind as a (likely habitual) attempt to keep you safe and comfortable.
While fear is a result of the brain’s drive to keep you physically safe — and while there are times when fear is signaling there actually is something that needs attending to in the external realm — you can come in with your wise, expansive, curious, nonjudgmental awareness and check out to what extent you need to actually follow that fear in this exact moment.
One way to help distinguish between fear and intuition is:
Fear has the flavor of No. Intuition has the flavor of Yes.
Intuition might guide you to say No to something – to leave a job or relationship, to not make that investment, to speak up forcefully about an injustice – but when it’s a genuine intuitive hit, even the sense of the No will likely have a quality of Yes to it.
And any time you’re on the precipice of making a bold move - of speaking up less apologetically, of taking a leap of faith - fear is likely to light up.
Your ego knows it’s about to be booted to the backseat if you start owning what you really want, so it’ll deploy any trick in the book to cling to control.
And anxiety about future uncertainty can feel so convincing, can’t it? We latch onto fear because we want to make sure we’re not missing anything we really do need to be aware of. From a biological/evolutionary perspective, our mind and body are dialing up our vigilance to ensure we stay safe.
But the question is:
Does believing and acting from every fear that crosses your mind actually keep you safe?
When it comes to making decisions, your intuition is a far more reliable guide than fear in most cases.
So when trying to discern between fear and intuition, here are a few things you can check out in your inner experience:
Intuition tends to feel like a Yes in the body. Fear tends to feel like a No in the mind.
Intuition tends to feel clear and calm and easeful. Fear tends to feel confused and anxious and hard.
Intuition tends to have a relaxed, expansive energetic quality. Fear tends to have a tense, contractive energetic quality.
Intuition tends to have a gentle flavor to it. Fear tends to feel more forceful.
(One important note here: If as you tune into your body you notice that something within you is screaming “NO!!! Something isn’t right / safe here” this is a moment to follow that sense. Full stop. You can look back with some wise reflection later to sort out to what extent what propelled you out of that situation was fear or intuition. But in the moment, of course be sure to keep yourself physically safe.)
And the great (if paradoxical) news is, the more practiced you become at getting still and allowing space for your intuition to be heard, it starts to create a safe space for fear to throw its tantrums without it needing to be heeded every time.
Neurotic fear will inevitably still come up sometimes. That's just part of being human. But when you start to really trust your intuition, you won't have to lose your center every time fear gets stirred up.
Start by tuning in and asking yourself, "Is this my gut or fear talking?" and go from there.
With Love,