All Parts of You Are Welcome Here (Shifting From Inner Tug-of-War to Inner Integration)

Hi friend,

I'm writing this while sitting in a swing with a warm breeze blowing amidst a forest of lush green vegetation and a background chorus of howler monkeys and cicadas in the trees. I've been lucky enough to get to spend the past week here in the magical coastal town of Nosara, Costa Rica. 

And on top of being just a generally delicious, spacious, warm, sunny, fun vacation (and first ever time away from my daughter in her four years of life) with my best girlfriend of the past thirty years, this place holds a particularly dear and important place in my heart and body.

I lived here for a month in 2006 during my yoga teacher training (at the wonderful Nosara Yoga Institute, which is no longer here), which turned out to be the most transformative month of my life. 

It was here in this beautiful place that I got my first genuine taste of embodiment and heart-opening and where the seeds of a vision for a life moving forward that was a near 180 degree turn from my life at the time began to take root. 

Having not been back here in 17 years, I knew it would feel amazing to be here, but also anticipated it possibly feeling a bit bittersweet. Historically when I've revisited places that felt transformative to my younger self I've often still felt part of myself “tugged” toward them, my mind quietly conjuring fantasies of upending my life in the States and moving myself / my family to this slower-paced, more Earth- and rhythms-of-life-connected, simpler-lifestyled place.

But what I felt this time was, instead, a deep and peaceful sense of integration.

I've noticed a felt sense of my tender, tentative 28-year-old self arising within my body as I walk the same beach that alchemized so much within that younger self, accompanied by a sense of sweetness and gratitude toward her from my current self for being as brave as she was to start to make bold choices and soul-aligned moves (I gave notice at my 9-5 office job in Washington, DC the first day I got home from my training, traveled through South America, and then followed my gut calling to move back across the country to start a massage training program that serendipitously started two weeks after I looked into it, start teaching yoga, and go through a holistic nutrition program in San Diego — a path which gradually led me toward coaching, where all of these elements could be blended holistically together under one umbrella) at the time despite all her fear and resistance and confusion and such tentative, just newly blossoming self-trust. 

And back here in present time, in the next moment walking that same beach I notice a smile spread across my heart while thinking about my daughter and partner at home, feeling a warm sense of refuge and love and joy and excitement to return to them and our home and community and the work that I feel so nourished by doing in the world. 

On this trip, these “different parts of myself” don't feel at odds. 

The 28-year-old, freedom-loving, adventurous part of me that loves Latin American travel, teaches and practices a ton of yoga, surfs, speaks Spanish, and lets her days be incredibly spacious and just follows the flow of energy wherever it leads her on a given day doesn't feel separate from my current 45-year-old mom and coach self whose days are much less spacious and more planned in this phase, but rich with joy and fulfillment in completely different ways.

Both parts of me — all parts of me — are here, and rather than feeling like they're at opposite ends of a tug-of-war rope, they feel like they're swirling in a fluid pool together. 

 I'm aware that this sense of inner cohesiveness is also thanks to my having consciously and intentionally integrated aspects of this free-flow-y Costa Rica lifestyle and rhythm into my “regular daily life” over these past 17 years. So when I visit here now, it no longer feels like 180 degrees from my average day at home. Things just feel more externally and internally balanced now.

This type of integration of all the parts of ourselves is what I see as being at the core of this “Integrative Mindfulness Coaching ” work I do with clients. Working toward acknowledging, owning, allowing, accepting and — over time — unconditionally loving all parts of ourselves. 

And experiencing the rush of energy and expansive sense of freedom that comes from no longer having to waste energy trying to forget parts of ourselves from our past or resist parts of our current selves that we wish were different or tamp down desires for our future selves that feel too big or too scary or too tender to even let ourselves hope for. 

There's so much freedom and sense of connection and flow that can come from acknowledging and allowing every single aspect of ourselves and each chapter of our lives to be owned as a valid and valuable part of who we are today. 

What comes up for you as you think about / feel into what may feel like “different parts of yourself”? Do they feel like they're on opposite ends of a tug-of-war rope, or do they feel like they're all swimming peacefully in one big spacious, fluid pool? 

The more we cultivate mindful awareness, self-compassion, and somatic integration, the more the previously seemingly disparate parts of ourselves start to peacefully coexist and swim and play together on the same team within us. 

So here's to your ongoing exploration, excavation, and expansion by acknowledging and embracing all parts of your beautifully human self.

With Love (and Pura Vida :)),

Melissa