What May Really Be Going On When It Looks Like You're Procrastinating
Procrastination.
A dreaded word — and with good reason.
When we perpetuate the habit of not following through on things that feel important to us or waste precious time and energy saying we're going to do something but never actually doing it, procrastination is most definitely a habit that could use some upgrading.
But sometimes when it looks like you're procrastinating, things might not be quite as black and white as they appear.
In my personal experience and over more than a decade of working with smart, self-aware, heart-centered and well-intentioned yet often self-defeatingly perfectionistic women, I find there's generally one or more of the following four elements at play when it looks, on the surface, like we're procrastinating.
1. Fear
You're on the precipice of expanding into some new and vulnerable terrain. The part of you that wants to keep you safe from physical harm and protected from emotional risk will do anything in its power — including employing the sneaky tricks of your Inner Critic and control-loving ego — to try to keep you safe.
To check in with any fear acting as a speed bump (or brick wall) between you and the action you want to be taking, you can pause and investigate with curiosity:
Where am I noticing fear in my body in this moment?
Check in with where you're directly experiencing fear as a sensation in your body.
What might this fear be trying to tell me?
Don't assume fear's message is the most obvious. Dig beneath the surface to check out:
What could this fear be trying to protect me from?
Is this fear telling me the Truth with a capital T?
Or does it feel true, but may not be True in actual reality?
The first step in working with fear is to acknowledge that it's present - to name it. Because you can't work with something you're pretending isn't there.
As long as you're human, fear is likely to show up when you make a bold move. But fear only becomes a problem when we resist it or take what it's telling us on face value as truth.
2. Conflicting Values
When there's "one part of you" that cares a lot about one thing and "another part of you" that cares about a very different thing, it's natural that you'd experience some internal tension.
Two or more of your values are tugging at opposite ends of an inner tug-of-war rope.
I noticed I was dragging my feet on taking action on something recently, so I did a little inner investigating. I realized that freedom was on one side of my "rope" and contribution was on the other. Once I saw with clear eyes how those two values were feeling a bit at odds in this particular situation, things naturally started to free up toward clarity and aligned action.
All parts of you are valid and worthy and in need of nonjudgmental exploration and care.
So take a curious look at which of your values or priorities might be playing a little game of tug-of-war and see where you might be able to consciously shift things a bit.
3. You've Entered an Integration or Germination Phase
Despite what your productivity-driven Inner Critic might be telling you, we humans are simply not capable of always being in an outward phase — of constantly doing doing doing.
Life and energy move in natural seasons and cycles.
There are phases when massive external action is called for and phases when a more quiet, inward reflection is most wise and appropriate.
There are phases when fruit is ripe and ready to be picked, but there has to be an attentive seed-planting and nurturing phase in order to get to that ripe fruit phase. Sense into whether this is a phase in which you’re feeling called, on a soul level, to pause, surrender out of forcing what appears to be the most “logical timeline”, and allow some fresh seedlings to germinate.
Pause to check in:
Could this "procrastination" simply be signaling that a rest or integration phase is being called for?
4. It's Time For a Fresh Chapter
Again zooming out to remember the natural cycles of all life, including your human one, sometimes a particular chapter has simply run its course and it's time to acknowledge that this is a moment to turn the page to a fresh chapter.
This phase calls for extra stillness, space, and self-compassion as it tends to involve some grief or self-forgiveness work.
Losses both “big” and “small “ call for a grieving process to heal and integrate the shedding of old skin and (often uncomfortable) expansion into a newly more spacious space.
It's hard for us humans to let go of things, even when deep in our beings we know it's the "right" thing for our greatest good. And it can be scary to step into uncertainty even when we trust on the bigger picture level that some new, more-aligned thing wants to enter this space.
But the less we resist or judge whatever cycle we're in — whether around procrastination or anything else in our lives — the more smoothly and quickly things tend to get flowing again.
So be gentle with yourself as you turn inward and explore whatever's present for you in this moment with some nice nonjudgmental curiosity, having faith that it's all OK.
Lots of Love,