Why As We Focus on What We Really Want Do We Sometimes Seem to Get the Opposite?
Coming out of a week-long meditation retreat last week, I knew it would take a few days to let the seedlings from the stillness settle in and get back up to "normal life" speed.
After a few days I felt a surge of refreshed motivation and focus. I was ready to dive back into life in the outer world.
And then, while waiting for my number to be called at my favorite taqueria, mini salsa containers in hand, my stomach started to rumble. And not the usual I can't wait for this burrito kind of rumble.
I spent a good portion of the next 24 hours on the bathroom floor.
After two days of that, I went to bed thinking I'd wake up ready, once again, to dive back into "normal life".
I woke up instead to a massive cold the toilet-hugging-virus had sneakily segued into.
Sometimes life just doesn't go according to our plans.
We know this, right?
And yet, when it doesn't, we have a reaction anyway. And not always the most spacious kind.
One thing the teachers said again and again on the loving-kindness retreat I was on was:
"This is a purification process."
Meaning, the more we focus on cultivating an open heart and connecting with ourselves and others with friendliness, compassion, joy, and equanimity when things get rocky, the more the opposites of those qualities will come up, too.
(This concept can apply to any area of life you're trying to improve — like you commit to eating more leafy greens, and suddenly all you can think about are Cheetos, which never normally cross your mind.)
So in this lovingkindness practice, my mind focused on health and happiness and ease literally every waking moment for seven days, and what happened next? The opposite.
Or seemingly so, anyway.
But what if "the opposites" aren't actually opposites?
The reason apparent opposites come up when we focus on healthier ways of being is because we have to clear out whatever's taking up the space the thing we want to welcome in will inhabit.
The old less healthy habits are in the way.
So the unpleasant stuff has to come up in order to create space for the pleasant stuff to come in.
When you get serious about owning what you truly want, your system kicks into gear to clear out everything in the way of you having it.
If you resist that cleansing phase, you'll stay stuck. If you let it happen, you'll get to step into the next level.
So...
What if "sickness" is actually just part of the wellness process?
What if blips of agitation and contraction are actually necessary stones on the path to greater happiness and generosity of spirit?
What if life's nudges (sometimes gentle, sometimes like a brick to the head) to treat our own bodies with greater compassion are the training wheels to prepare us to reach out with greater compassion to people around us?
I won't say I loved throwing up all day.
But I felt a peace in surrendering to and trusting the purification process (apparently my system needed more time to reintegrate than my mind understood), in appreciation for my body doing exactly what it needed to do to get back out into the world, and some genuine enjoyment in binge watching Mozart in the Jungle.
That's how it can be when we accept that whatever's coming up in our experience has purpose, whether we understand what that purpose is at that moment or not.
What happens when you resist a little less and surrender a little more?
What happens when you meet this moment with friendliness rather than trying to look over its shoulder toward the next best thing you hope is coming around the corner?
What happens when you let yourself just be here even the tiniest bit more fully and let your life flow from there?
Cheers to the day to day, moment to moment practice, one intentional step and breath at a time.
Lots of Love,