Some Thoughts & Resources For This Wild Moment (3/23/20)
Well hello there, friend.
We've had an extended pause since last meeting together here, I know. And after all the adventures of being with Audrey through her first year of life...
My plan was to be reigniting my coaching practice right about now.
And on a personal level, this phase of unfurling out of the new motherhood cocoon back into the outside world was feeling pretty wild on its own. So that's what I'd thought I would share some reflections about with you in this first note back after a year+ away.
And then,
Boom.
One day we were planning Audrey's first birthday party and delighting in reflecting back on her first year of life; the next we were cancelling it and everything else and hunkering down to shelter in place.
So now here we are.
Each of us in our own family units, our own communities, this country, and the world, together in this same wild situation.
Reminded every day – every moment, in fact - how inextricably interwoven our cells and well-being and lives as beings on this planet are.
How every breath we breathe over here impacts a breath breathed (or a sneeze sneezed) over there and vice versa.
Reminded in myriad ways during our current days of the reality of life with no loopholes to pretend otherwise:
That everything in nature is constantly changing despite how much our minds try to control or resist it to our liking.
And on the day-to-day level, that reminder in this form has felt jarring, to say the least.
So much uncertainty on such a large scale. So much changing so fast and so constantly.
Routines upended. Parents suddenly having to scramble to patchwork together childcare and work schedules. Businesses and financial futures becoming tenuous in a heartbeat. And on top of all the personal topsy-turviness, so much concern for those who may be more vulnerable to the physical impacts of this virus or to the professional and financial ripples of its effects than ourselves.
Suffice it to say, this is a lot for the entire world to be navigating at the same time.
And so we find our mindfulness practice being put to the test in real time.
No more luxury of toying with the concepts of being present or surrendering to the flow of the ever-changing present moment; but being called to put this wisdom into practice where the rubber meets the road right here, right now.
And I know that's been a high-level practice for me in these recent weeks.
To do my best to come back to a sense of grounded-ness in the present moment and not get knocked over by the tsunami of information coming our way every day; to stay flexible amidst the constantly changing circumstances rolling through.
It's so utterly human of our minds to get swept up in "What if's" about the future and for our bodies to get flooded with stress hormones with each newsfeed scroll or tickle in our throats.
And yet with all of the withdrawing inward into physically smaller circles, and even with the waves of anxiousness that periodically roll through, I've also been feeling more grounded and tuned in.
More present. More purposeful. More connected to friends and life and the world. More tender and easily touched by the suffering and joys of others.
And I've been experiencing such a lovely new gentleness being shared with people we pass on the street walking babies or dogs.
A type of eye contact and knowing smile, that says, "I see you" in a way that feels sweet and different than the usual heads-down manner in which we often blow past one another on our self-focused route to wherever we're trying to get (usually hurriedly).
Here, this phase has also felt sweetly reminiscent of Audrey's newborn days when the three of us were holed up here together focusing on just being together.
There's a sweetness and a kind of relief -- an exhale -- in the slowing down and simplifying. In going back to basics and remembering our true priorities:
Safety. Health. Love. Presence. Kindness. Connection. Joy.
I'm guessing some of you have noticed similar sweetness. (And if you've been mostly feeling mostly anxiety through this moment of collective uncertainty, of course that's completely normal too.)
So here we are.
Together.
Riding the waves as they crest and wash through as best we're able in each moment, not knowing what will come next.
So how can we help ourselves stay grounded in a moment that feels so uncertain?
I thought I'd offer up some practices I've been finding helpful for myself right now in case they may feel useful for you as well.
Meditation
If you already have a regular practice, wonderful. Go to it often. If you're new but looking for some additional grounding right now, this would be a potent moment to start. This blog post and apps like Headspace, Insight Timer, Calm, Omvana, and Buddhify can help you get started.
Loving-Kindness
The practice of Metta, or Loving-Kindness, is the simple but profound practice of wishing ourselves, and then others, and eventually all beings, well while connecting to our heart center. Find a comfortable seat in a (reasonably) quiet space, place a hand over the heart (if that feels right to you), and repeat several rounds of the following phrases (or your own); first toward yourself, then toward your local family/friends/community, and gradually toward the whole world/all beings:
May I (you / we all) be safe.
May I (you / we all) be healthy.
May I (you / we all) be happy.
May I (you / we all) be at ease.
May I (you / we all) be free from suffering.
Mindful Media
It's so easy to go down the rabbit hole with the torrent of mostly scary-sounding news pouring through right now. So while it's important to stay engaged and informed right now for sure, we're only going to be able to usefully process and respond, rather than react, to that information in a useful way if we're not flooded into fight/flight/freeze mode by it. So a few questions you might check in with as you engage:
Why am I looking at this right now?
What am I looking for here?
Do I really need this information right now?
How is my body feeling as I'm reading / watching / listening to this?
Is that enough for now?
Taking a conscious breath in any moment in which we find our bodies starting to contract or our hearts starting to race can be a powerful way to slow down and make a conscious choice about whether to keep ingesting more of this right now or to step away. You might tell yourself you can return to the news after you step outside and take a few mindful breaths. Maybe you'll still feel like diving back in when you come back inside and maybe you won't.
* Mindful media might look like taking Facebook or other anxiety-stirring apps off your phone.
* It might look like allotting yourself ten minutes (or whatever feels right to you) to take in news in the morning and ten minutes later in the day, but none at night for the sake of letting the mind settle down before bed.
* It might look like becoming really intentional about what sources you're getting your news from and only (occasionally) turning to those sources.
Gratitude
If you've done a Gratitude Journal in the past but been a little lax with it recently, now would be a potent time to pull it back out and take a few minutes to jot down at least three -- but as many as flow in the moment -- things you're grateful for once a day. Take note especially of why you're grateful for these things / how they make you feel.
Mantras / Reminders
Jot down some simple reminders of whatever you'd like help remembering to focus on or practice right now on Post-It's or with dry eraser on a mirror or chalk on your kids' chalkboard and sprinkle them around the house.
"Breathe."
"Just this moment."
"It's all OK." "I'm safe right now."
"Just connect."
"This will pass."
"We can handle this."
"Keep it simple."
"Enjoy what’s here."
Whatever resonates in a visceral / helpful way with you right now.
Nourish your body
Setting up our schedule and environment to allow us to get the best sleep we can in this moment (No media at night? Phone out of the bedroom? Finding a good paper book to settle in with before bed? Listening to a guided meditation to help you drift off?) and being mindful about what we ingest on all levels, including paying attention to how what we're eating and drinking is making us feel and letting that feedback guide our choices.
For us that's involved planning in advance to buy what we need for a veggie-packed stew and some hearty muffins to cook for the week and loading up on things like the delicious Cara Cara oranges that are in season right now, being mindful of immunity-depleting sugar, etc.
Move your body
The body is a direct gateway out of the spinning mind back into the present moment. So now is a powerful time to move our bodies regularly in ways that feel good to us. Yoga, hiking, biking, walking, running, dancing, gardening...
Immerse the senses in pleasantness
I've been lighting scented candles in the room where I work, putting on fun music for dance parties with Audrey, pausing to sniff the blossoming jasmine on walks, putting new plants in pots to sprinkle around the bedroom... Connecting to the senses is another direct route back into the body and the present moment.
Get outside
Consciously appreciating how good it feels to breathe safe, fresh air. Reminding ourselves that it's possible to be like the trees, firmly rooted yet flexible enough to sway in the breeze as it comes and goes, and for the mind to be like the sky, vast and spacious enough to allow each cloud to pass through without clinging to them or pushing them away. Noticing how the birds just keep chirping away and the trees keep losing their leaves and blossoming again.
Equanimity
Equanimity is a quality of unshakeable inner peace and a steadiness that allows us to not get knocked off our center by every wave that crashes through. It's a quality of spaciousness and ease like a clear, still pond or the vast, open sky. A few phrases you might play with extending toward your heart center when things feel rocky:
"May I experience a sense a balance."
"May my heart be at peace."
"May I accept things just as they are."
"May my heart be at rest and balanced in the midst of all things."
Or when you're noticing yourself resisting what's happening: "Even though things aren't as I want them to be right now, they are as they are."
Prayer
Here's a prayer I've been saying out loud at the end of my meditations these days. Feel free to take this on as your own or come up with words that feel most resonant with you:
“May this moment prompt an elevation of collective consciousness, connection, and compassion that contributes to the greatest good of all beings."
Small acts of kindness
Looking for ways to extend small acts of kindness toward someone who might need it right now. Checking in with a friend you've been thinking about, offering to walk a neighborhood nurse's dog, offering to shop for groceries for an elderly person, or simply smiling from six feet away at people on the street, acknowledging that every human we come across is struggling in their own way right now.
Notice the good
There's so much beauty and kindness and creativity already shining through amidst all of this. We can consciously choose to turn our attention toward it to help balance out our mind's negativity bias (which really gets flared up when our survival feels at risk).
Tune into other things
Despite how the mind narrows its focus when there's a perceived risk on the horizon, there are still so many lovely, interesting things going on in the world. Intentionally turning our attention toward those things offers some much needed respite and balance.
Community connection
Just because we're not physically together doesn't mean we have to feel disconnected. Virtual book groups, guided meditations and happy hours; backyard barbecues with a string of neighbors in their own backyards; sing-alongs with your neighbors from 6+ feet apart; FaceTime dates and text threads with groups of friends; Skype dates with grandparents. This is when technology really shines in its highest form -- truly helping us connect.
Some additional resources for the moment:
* This March 18th Dharma talk from Tara Brach: "Facing Pandemic Fears with an Awake Heart" or her 24-minute guided meditation to pair with it
* This 13-minute guided practice from Jack Kornfield: "Compassion in the Time of Coronavirus"
* A lovely 11-minute pause with this guided "MeditOcean" with the jellyfish from the Monterey Bay Aquarium
* This guided half-day at-home mindfulness retreat
* This New Yorker piece, "I Work From Home" for when you could use a good out loud laugh :)
Wherever you are, remember that we truly are all in this together. Every breath; every moment.
And be gentle with yourself along the way. This is a challenging moment for us all.
And if you could use a little more uplift, you might take a (re-)read through Lynn Ungar's poem from/for this moment:
Pandemic by Lynn Ungar
What if you thought of it
as the Jews consider the Sabbath --
the most sacred of times?
Cease from travel.
Cease from buying and selling.
Give up, just for now,
on trying to make the world
different than it is.
Sing. Pray. Touch only those
to whom you commit your life.
Center down.
And when your body has become still,
reach out with your heart.
Know that we are connected
in ways that are terrifying and beautiful.
(You could hardly deny it now.)
Know that our lives
are in one another’s hands.
(Surely, that has come clear.)
Do not reach out your hands.
Reach out your heart.
Reach out your words.
Reach out all the tendrils
of compassion that move, invisibly,
where we cannot touch.
Promise this world your love--
for better or for worse,
in sickness and in health,
so long as we all shall live.
Or this poem by Brother Richard Hendrick
Or this one by Jennifer Welwood
Wishing you peace and wellness and a sense of connection, in whatever form it may come these days, as we ride the waves of this ever-changing moment together.
Love and well-wishes,